October 14, 1999

Remember TROG, Joan Crawford's last film? I'm sure dear, sweet Joan would like to have forgotten it, for it was extremely unglamorous. Joan played Dr. Brockton, a scientist who anxiously studies a troglodyte--a neanderthal creature discovered by an excavation team. Joan is dead serious as she stomps her way through this masterpiece produced by Herman Cohen who presented Joan's immediately preceding film -- the full-color classic photographed in Shock-a-rama BERSERK!

In TROG, dressed in pink and orange smocks, Joan is the only bit of light and color. She has one great line of dialogue: "Bring me my hypo gun, quickly!"

Almost 30 years have gone by since TROG graced the silver screen. Now, I, the fabulous Lypsinka, find myself in Danbury CT filming the sequel -- SON OF TROG.

Here I am relaxing on the set

This 90-minute spectacle, with a shooting schedule of 3 days, consists mostly of artistic footage of me - slogging my way through a muddy, snake-infested gulley, wearing camouflage fatigues and toting a rifle. I'm told the dailies are "brilliant." Nevertheless I did briefly have a star fit when I saw the snake and I called my agent to see if he could get me off this film.

SON OF TROG is a small film, but we were able to secure the important services of makeup artist Billy B., fresh from the set of new recording artist Pink's $1.3 million music video. In order to afford him we are shaving the budget by sleeping in a Super 8 Motel behind a service station. (I'm in Room 310 right now!) This is a wise financial move but it's rather like living IN The Jenny Jones Show since the greasy-haired, pimply-faced, weight-challenged girl behind the registration desk gets into an argument with every piece of white trash that checks in or out of the hellhole. However, I had sized her up before she could look at me sideways and my first words to her were, "Don't fuck with me, fella! This ain't my first time at a Super 8!" She acquiesed. My driver (and sometimes sound man) Mark Gentsch stood by me.

I'm told that La Crawford, during production of TROG, changed her costumes in a station wagon. Trouper that I am, I have agreed to get dressed out of the back of a pickup truck. But, I'm sure it will be worth it; industry insiders are predicting I will win my 39th Oscar for my sensitive portrayal of super-scientist Dr. Brockton in SON OF TROG!!

Here I am in my one glamour costume in SON OF TROG with a fellow playing a news reporter. He has his right hand on my butt. Be sure to look for SON OF TROG, coming soon to a theater near you!

Lypsinka's Time Travel

Oscar Madness